A f i f A k h y a r i

How to Plant Ideas in Someone’s Mind

Reverse Psychology Actually Works

Full size

Reverse psychology has become an enormous cliché. I think this peaked in 1995 with the release of the film Jumanji. (If you’ve seen it and remember it, you know what I’m talking about.) The problem is that most people look at reverse psychology in a very simple way. For example, you’d say “I don’t care if you want to go risk your life jumping out of a plane” to try and convince someone not to go skydiving. This isn’t reverse psychology—it’s passive-aggressive. So let’s leave that all behind and start from scratch.

If you’re going to use logic reversals in your favor, you need to be subtle. Let’s say you want your roommate to do the dishes because it’s his or her turn. There’s always this approach:

“Hey, would you mind doing the dishes? It’s your turn.”

But in this example we’re assuming your roommate is lazy and the nice approach isn’t going to get the job done. So what do you do? Something like this:

“Hey, I’ve decided I don’t want to do the dishes anymore and am just going to start buying disposable stuff. Is that cool with you? If you want to give me some money, I can pick up extras for you, too.”

What this does is present the crappy alternative to not doing the dishes without placing any blame. Rather than being preoccupied with an accusation, your roommate is left to only consider the alternative. This is how reverse psychology can be effective, so long as you say it like you mean it.

Never Talk About the Idea — Talk Around It

Full size

Getting someone to want to do something can be tough if you know they’re not going to want to do it, so you need to make them believe it was their idea. This is a common instruction, especially for salespeople, but it’s much easier said than done. You have to look at planting ideas in the same way you’d look at solving a mystery. Slowly but surely you offer the target a series of clues until the obvious conclusion is the one you want. The key is to be patient, because if you rush through your “clues” it will be obvious. If you take it slow, the idea will form naturally in their mind all by itself.

Full size

Let’s say you’re trying to get your friend to eat healthier food. This is a good aim, but you’ve got a tough enemy: they’re addicted to the Colonel and need a bucket of fried chicken at least once a day. Out of concern you tell them to eat healthier. They either think that’s a good idea and then never do anything or just tell you to stop nagging them. For them to realize what they’re doing to their body, they need to have an epiphany and you can make that happen by talking around the issue.

Full size

To do this you need to be very clever and very subtle, otherwise it will be obvious. You can’t just say “oh, I read today that fried chicken is killing 10 million children in Arkansas every year” because that’s a load of crap and comes with an incredibly obvious motivation for saying it. If chicken is the target, you need to make chicken seem really unappealing. Next time you sneeze, make a joke about coming down with the avian flu. When you’re ordering at a restaurant together, verbally convey your decision to order something other than chicken because you just learned how most chicken is processed by restaurants. When you’ve done enough of these things—and, again, with enough space between them so that it doesn’t seem like odd behavior—you can start being a little more aggressive and stop going with your friend to get fried chicken. You can also take proactive steps to improve your own health and tell your friend 1) what you’re doing, and 2) how well it’s working for you. After a few weeks, if your friend hasn’t decided to reconsider his or her position on frequent fried chicken, you can casually mention it and they should be much more open to having a real discussion.

Undersell

Full size

Underselling is probably one of the easiest and most effective ways to plant an idea in someone’s mind. This is another version of reverse psychology but at a less aggressive level. Let’s say you’re trying to sell someone a hard drive. They could buy a 250GB, 500GB, or 1TB hard drive. You want to sell the largest hard drive possible because those cost more and mean more money for you. Your buyer is coming in with the idea that they want to spend the least money possible. You’re not going to get very far by telling them they should spend more money when you know they don’t want to. Instead, you need to cater to what they want: the cheap option. Here’s a sample dialogue:

Buyer: Can you tell me about this 250GB hard drive? I want to make sure it will work for me.

You: What kind of computer do you have and what do you want to use it for?

Buyer: I have a 2-year old Windows laptop and I need it to store my photos. I have about 30GB of photos.

You: 250GB is definitely more than enough for just storing your photos, so as long as you don’t have many more files you might want to put onto the drive it should be just fine for your needs.

This last sentence instills doubt in the buyer. You could even add “you’d only need a larger drive if you wanted to be absolutely sure you’ll have enough space in the future” but that might be pushing it a little bit. The point is, if you appear to have their best interests at heart it can be easy to make them think they want to buy more from you.

---

Again, I’d like to take this opportunity to remind everyone that planting ideas in the minds of others is not necessarily a nice thing to do. Use this information to detect when someone’s doing it to you and not necessarily as a guide to do it to somebody else.

a story about choices, changes and commitment

sedikit fiktif

pukul 00.12 saat saya ingat kalau pagi ini saya masih bermalas-malasan. membuang percuma ide-ide yang mungkin bisa berguna untuk hari kemarin. masih mengenakan outfit yang sama untuk setiap hari, setiap minggunya. masih mendengarkan playlist yang sama. masih belum membereskan meja kerja kecil ini. terlalu banyak yang dipikirkan, terlalu banyak yang dikhawatirkan. sudah 24 tahun 3 bulan saat ini. dan beberapa teman sudah memantapkan langkah bersama pasangannya masing-masing. saya masih berkutat dengan hal yang saya sendiri belum terlalu pasti.

melihat ke sekeliling kamar. oke, ada beberapa brainstroming tentang beberapa hal. pekerjaan kecil dan Tugas Akhir yang masih berusaha untuk saya selesaikan. ini kali ketiganya saya mengambil mata kuliah terakhir yang sangat sakral ini. di lain hal saya tidak merubah judulnya karena ini menyangkut janji. kepada keluarga tentu, selain pembuktian diri juga ini karena saya mencari bahannya bersama sahabat yang sekarang sudah tidak bersama lagi. selalu saya doakan agar dia lebih tenang disana..

progress nya tidak terlalu buruk. sudah ketahuan akan dibuat seperti apa. bahan sudah cukup untuk melalui tahapan kedua. seperti biasa banyak hal yang tidak penting berusaha menarik kesadaran ini keluar dari zona Tugas Akhir. dari kesempatan untuk mengunjungi Mid East, China republic ataupun yang paling dekat Singapore. mungkin juga Bali. masih belum terlalu mengerti kenapa jadwal tentang proses kedua ini tidak bisa pasti. dan uang nya pun sudah lenyap entah kemana. tapi mungkin kenikmatan dan keseruannya disana. mungkin, semoga saja.

di titik ini saya berusaha untuk memulai menghentikan beberapa hal seperti explaining myself to everybody or maybe stop hearing people that actually trying to explain theirself to everybody . saya juga tidak begitu mengerti kenapa itu harus dan kenapa itu perlu tapi saya rasa itu bagus untuk saat ini. 

because fuck you, and thats why

fuck you fucking fuck

beberapa line yang saya sering ucapkan sendiri di dalam kepala ketika semuanya tidak berjalan seperti seharusnya. nobody does, nobody have.  

Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.  Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.  And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.

tentu saya juga bukan teman yang baik, bukan saudara yang baik juga mungkin, masih berusaha menjadi anak yang baik. tapi semua orang punya kesempatan untuk mencoba bukan? 

setidaknya saya berusaha untuk tidak menyusahkan, sangat tidak ingin merepotkan siapapun walaupun yang jelas orangtua saya pasti merasa repot karena saya sangat lama tidak berada disekitar mereka yang sudah mulai menua. secepatnya saya akan kembali dan mengurus mereka dan adik-adik yang semakin dewasa.

ada beberapa impian kecil saya, passion terhadap mobil dan mesin masih besar. mungkin karena hal itu yang sudah sangat akrab sedari saya pertama bisa mengingat benda dan hal. jikalau ada yang dahulu sempat menertawakan kegemaran saya ini atau menyuruh saya untuk keluar dari kotak. um.. mungkin saya mendengarkan tapi saya tidak pernah menuruti saran di luar kepala saya. saya skeptis dengan apa yang mereka maksud dan inginkan. whatever whatever whatever.. 

nanti akan saya lanjutkan…